


It's no good unless it's real

by gaynebula



Series: Writing prompts [5]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insecurity, M/M, Mental Illness, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaynebula/pseuds/gaynebula
Summary: At first, Matteo manages to convince himself that it’s fine. He knows just how much David has on his mind lately, trying to excel in everything he does, and even though it stings it makes sense that he’d forget about one or two things amidst it all. And he still excels at being a boyfriend, as well - every morning still comes with a soft kiss gently gracing Matteo’s cheek, making him smile as he slowly wakes up to the sound of David getting ready, and when he’s not too tired, he even drags himself out of bed to steal some of the coffee David has made for himself before rushing off to uni.And yet, when Thursday morning finds its way below his closed eyelids, making them slowly flutter open, Matteo’s heart sinks.For the prompt: David accidentally stood Matteo up on an important day (maybe anniversary?) and just forgot about it because he was out with a few new friends. And Matteo is hurt but not mad because that happens but then he wonders if that maybe happened because he is not as important to David as David is to him?
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner
Series: Writing prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992580
Comments: 12
Kudos: 51





	It's no good unless it's real

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sending me prompts, and for having patience with me actually finishing them. I hope you like it 💕
> 
> Title from the song "Take care" by Beach House

Matteo is hunched over the kitchen table, staring down at the lined pages of his daily planner, not able to take his eyes off of it. It looks so insignificant on paper, scribbled down in Matteo’s messy handwriting next to the date printed to the right on the page, with a small heart he had added without even noticing until it was already there. 

_1 year with David_ ❤

Just looking at it, now, when he is supposed to write down what date he’s supposed to go see his mom, he almost feels a blush gracing his cheeks.

Matteo can feel David glancing over at him from across the kitchen, smiling gently, and Matteo hopes he’s too busy with the dishes to notice how silly he’s being right now. Still, the fluttery feeling refuses to go away, and Matteo has to quickly move through the pages to not get stuck at that specific one.

“Hey, uh,” Matteo starts, slowly moving his attention from the planner - which his therapist had insisted he’d get, and which, to be fair, had helped a lot with remembering things - to where David is now drying off his hands.

“Mm?” David smiles, raising an eyebrow at him, and that alone is enough to make Matteo’s own smile to widen. He’s being ridiculous.

“Do you want to go out, on Thursday? Like see a movie?” he tries, not really looking at David properly until the question is already out there.

He knows it’s too late for him to come off as casual around him, but he still tries to not stare as he waits for David’s reaction.

“Oh,” David starts, scratching his neck as he puts back the tea towel, “I have two different seminars, and I’m supposed to meet up afterwards to work on the group project-” David pauses to wince a little, and Matteo can’t stop himself as he thinks about David’s ‘fake deep’ group partners are. “But maybe next week? The project will be done by then.”

Matteo hears himself hum at that, as if his body is on autopilot, while he tries to hide the way the light feeling in his chest is suddenly turning into the beginning of a heavy storm, ready to strike down or release a downpour, maybe both.

“You can even pick the movie,” David tries, and when Matteo finally looks back up at him, David has moved closer, focusing completely now on their conversation. His eyes are so warm, filled with promise, and Matteo has no chance against it.

“That sounds good” Matteo offers, nodding before smiling a bit wider, just to see David’s smile widen as well at the sight. 

“Good” David agrees, then, his hands are low on Matteo’s hips, moving his body closer to his own, and Matteo easily lets David guide them both into a soft, languid kiss.

...

At first, Matteo manages to convince himself that it’s fine. He knows just how much David has on his mind lately, trying to excel in everything he does, and even though it stings it makes sense that he’d forget about one or two things amidst it all. And he still excels at being a boyfriend, as well - every morning still comes with a soft kiss gently gracing Matteo’s cheek, making him smile as he slowly wakes up to the sound of David getting ready, and when he’s not too tired, he even drags himself out of bed to steal some of the coffee David has made for himself before rushing off to uni.

They are still so obviously them, and David still texts him in between classes or during lunch or, sometimes, even during lectures, just to tell him something that could technically have waited until he got back home, so Matteo figures it’s not about David neglecting them as a couple.

And yet, when Thursday morning finds its way below his closed eyelids, making them slowly flutter open, Matteo’s heart sinks.

Beside him in bed there’s an empty spot, the sheets wrinkled from David moving restlessly even in his sleep, and Matteo just stares at it for a while. Like David would suddenly reappear if he just blinked enough times, like his mind could conjure him back into bed with him.

He sits up, yawning as his shirt stretches a little against his body, and tries to make out any sign of David still being here; the familiar hum of the coffee being made, David’s quiet footsteps between the hallway and the bathroom as he’s brushing his teeth, anything. Instead, the flat is uncharacteristically quiet. When he checks his phone to see that there are no new messages from David, not even a ‘good morning’ or ‘see you tonight’, it is as if his body lets out a long sigh disguised as a deep breath, slowly leaving his body.

Usually, Matteo’s days off are treasured, either filled with much needed sleep, or, if he’s lucky, spent next to David, forcing him to cuddle instead of focusing on his studies. Now, though, Matteo isn’t sure what to do with his free time. He counts the hours to when he thinks David is done with uni, and even after taking his time making breakfast and drinking his coffee slower than necessary, there are still too many hours left to fill.

Somehow, he manages pretty okay the first part of the day. Instead of going back to bed, he ends up playing video games, replies to the texts in the group chat with Jonas and the others, and looks at memes he wants to show David later.

He’s considering sending David one of them now, maybe make him smile between lectures, be can’t even bring himself to pull up David’s contact before his thoughts wanders off to a place they haven’t taken him in a while, someplace where the daylight doesn’t reach. It shouldn’t be a big deal, and the fact that he’s even upset about it makes him even more upset at himself for being so… much. Like an extra set of limbs attached to David’s body, without any function or purpose, just clinging to the rest of him.

He doesn’t really notice what he’s doing until he is back on his bed, pressing a pillow to his face as if he could physically push his oncoming thoughts out of his head. There is a sharp sensation in his throat, making it a bit hard to breathe, and it tastes sour against the inside of his mouth.

A therapist he once had told him that when it gets like that, the best thing is to physically move. Not run, like David - just stand up from wherever he was, move to another part of the flat, and busy himself with anything to break the constant spiral.

So, without really paying attention to his movements, he pushes himself off the bed and into the kitchen, staring into the slightly bare refrigerator even though there’s still hours left until they’ll have dinner. He still doesn’t know when David gets home, or if maybe he’ll grab something with his uni friends instead, or maybe-

He interrupts himself with putting on a playlist Hanna had made for him once, which somehow had ended up being his go-to music for whenever he’s making food or doing the dishes and cleaning up afterwards. Most importantly, it’s music that doesn’t affect him that much, just easy tunes to drown out the quiet of the flat.

The light outside the kitchen windows is closer to lilac when Matteo’s eventually done with the tomato sauce and preparing the vegetables for his somewhat personalised version of _pasta alla norma_ , but he knows before even checking his phone that it’s still just mid-afternoon, if that. And he’s still in need of distractions.

He thinks about taking a nap, but he can already feel the restlessness settled into his skin, and knows he wouldn’t get anywhere but tossing and turning in frustration. So, despite being tired, he cleans up the kitchen a bit, then lets himself have a joint. It’s warm enough outside for him to leave the door to the balcony open, but still allowing some cool air into the flat, and for a moment, he just sits on his bed, joint in hand, not focusing on anything else.

“Matteo?”

David’s voice is barely audible coming from the hallway, but it still makes him blink in confusion from where he’s apparently fallen asleep on the edge of the bed, and he almost shivers when he notices the draft still coming from the balcony.

He had just managed to pull himself up and close the door shut, burying his hands deeper into his hoodie, when David reaches him, offering him a gentle smile but not actually entering the bedroom.

“You alright?” he tries, still smiling, and Matteo just nods dumbly.

“Mm.”

As he feels a bit more awake, he recognises the dull pain slowly coming back in his chest, and he wishes for a second that he was better emotionally prepared.

When he doesn’t move closer, David just regards him for a moment, then nods and seemingly writes it off as his usual lack of energy. Before Matteo can really react, David’s already on his way to the kitchen, and Matteo just follows, not sure what to do with the lump that’s suddenly in his throat.

“Did you, uh… did it go okay? The project?” Matteo tries, watching David rummaging his backpack for something.

“Yeah, I just want us to be done” David mumbles, and in any other situation, Matteo would be humoured by the tilt of his voice, the one that gives away so much more than David wants it to.

“You haven’t eaten?”

The question catches him a bit off guard, but then he follows David’s line of sight and notices the tomato sauce still simmering quietly, and the chopped vegetables ready to be thrown into it.

Matteo shrugs, and David looks like he wants to fuss over him, tell him to eat properly and take care of himself even when David isn’t there to remind him. 

“What are you making?” David raises an eyebrow, and his lips turn up slightly into his most curious smile, and Matteo wishes so badly for his mind to shut up long enough for him to just forget about the grudge he’s currently holding onto.

“Pasta alla norma” he mumbles, biting his lip a bit while decidedly not looking at David, already knowing the reaction painted on his face.

“ _Matteo._ ”

He can hear David take a few steps closer, until his breath is mingled with Matteo’s, and he can sense David’s eyes on him before his hands gently graces his hips.

“Look at me?” David whispers, and Matteo does.

“What’s up?” 

“Nothing” Matteo shrugs, once again staring down onto the floorboards, trying to will his body to not react as he feels the tightness in his throat get worse.

“Please?”

And David’s voice is so patient, smooth and strong, that Matteo just wants to be torn open and let him scavenge through the mess inside in search for anything good, anything worth keeping.

“It’s dumb” he mutters, shaking his head slightly before glancing up at David, just long enough to notice a slight worry in his eyes.

“Tell me?” David pleads, carefully brushing his hand over Matteo’s arm, barely touching the skin but still making his light hairs there rise at the sensation.

“It’s our anniversary” Matteo mumbles, wishing the words would evaporate before David can begin to make any sense of them.

He can’t even glance at David, now, and the quiet grows for every second Matteo just stands there, waiting for David to react. The pulsing of his heart is too loud, suddenly, and he’s not sure he’s breathing properly.

Then, the warmth of David’s body so close to his own disappears as David takes a step back, and his eyes are tracing Matteo’s face when Matteo finally looks up at him.

“Fuck,” David breathes out, so quietly and sad that Matteo can feel himself break at the sight.

“It’s fine” Matteo shrugs, despite the insistent tightness in his chest.

“No, Matteo,” David shakes his head, then steps forward again, “can I hold you?”

At that, Matteo just nods, and David’s arms immediately wrap around him, with no indication of letting go.

He can feel David’s hair gently tickling his face, and the scent of David’s sweater as he presses his nose to David’s shoulder makes his body instinctively relax, like it knows he’s safe here.

“I’m sorry” David says, his voice a bit clearer, then, he gently presses a kiss just above Matteo’s eyebrow, soothing the worried lines there.

“Okay” Matteo whispers as he breathes, slowly, and then, there are kisses peppered onto his face, making him giggle as David’s lips brushes over the bridge of his nose, the beginning of his cheeks, the corner of his mouth. He doesn’t stop until Matteo’s face is blushing and warm, and David’s smile is radiant as he kisses him properly.

...

They spend almost an hour eating dinner, with David constantly praising the food and Matteo finally rolling his eyes at him when David’s plate is basically clean, muttering a quiet ‘stop it’ under his breath as he tries to force his body to not feel so _hot_ under David’s constant gaze. They have wine, too, because David insisted, and Matteo hadn’t even remembered they had any, which made David roll _his_ eyes.

It feels good, even though David’s voice is laced with guilt as he insists that he’ll be taking care of the kitchen later, and not just because Matteo was the one who made them food.

“I will do so much better next year” David declares, seemingly out of nowhere, and Matteo just stares at him for a moment.

“What?”

David looks back at him, first, as if daring him to understand, and then breaks into a smile that’s wide enough to show his gums.

“Ja, you deserve to be _wooed,_ and then I can make up for today.”

There’s a mixture of pride and shyness in his voice, a mixture that feels so characteristically _David_ , and Matteo’s heart swells.

The warmth that spreads through his limbs feels like gold, melting as it flows through his body, and he can feel his cheeks turn pink again.

“Yeah?” Matteo mumbles, ducking his head before David can call him out on the look of awe on his face.

He doesn’t have to explain any of the thoughts coursing through his mind, any of the insecurities or the dreams that feel too fragile for words. 

Instead, David leans in, and Matteo is just about to close his eyes when David cups his face, softly stroking his chin, moving his face across Matteo’s features.

“I’m here as long as you want” David breathes out, and Matteo leans in before the words are barely out, making David lean back a little in surprise before closing the gap between them again, deepening the kiss until they’re both a little out of breath.

Afterwards, when David’s arms are tightly around his bare chest, with one of his hands tangled into Matteo’s hair, humming secrets into his scalp with soft kisses, Matteo feels himself falling even deeper in love, very aware that David is doing the same.


End file.
